CHRISTMAS
An official memo from the desk of Roxy Bourdon:
'Tis the Season for givin', and we're givin' one more wrestler a chance to show their booking chops before 2016! Where we're headin aaaalll the way over to Kampala, Uganda, courtesy of our Guest General Manager, who's coverin' for our tickets, hotels, and the arena. So generous! It's like he's giving the gift to us, almost.
Who is this kind man you ask? Well, since the story of the Nativity had three kings (I guess four counting Jesus as King of Kings), who better than a royal to host the show, right? So, we got Prince Lakeem of Uganda to be our guest general manager for the show. He's swappin' out his blue suit for a red one, to look just like jolly ol' Saint Nick. Oh my god, you gotta see it. As that nice Thora girl would say, it's C-U-T-E! CUUUUUUUTE!
Look at me, gettin' all rambly again! I'll let his royal santa do the talkin', but before I go...Me, Maxie, and the rest of the AES Board of Directors, wanna wish you a Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Kwazy Kwanza, whatever you wanna celebrate...Happy Holidays, and a Happy New Year!
Ho ho ho! Happy Holidays! Lakeem is here with the honorable position of being the guest general manager for the official Christmas show of PrimeTime! Lakeem is very excited to hold such a place, even it's for one night. Thank you to Mr. Karzai and Mrs. Main Event for allowing Lakeem to have this opportunity. Anyway, Lakeem has put together these series of matches that hopefully bring joy to those around the globe! Hopefully these people enjoy Lakeem's santa suit as well as their matches.
Lakeem has invited best friend Callum and friend Alice to team up against The Red Alliance. Lakeem has witnessed Callum and Alice work together off of the cameras and would like to see them at their best in the ring, and Lakeem picked a great tag team in The Red Alliance to be their opponents. Plus, red is a great christmas color. That one horse had a red nose. Lakeem not so sure. Whole country of Uganda really didn't have alot of knowledge on red nosed horses. Nonetheless, this should be very exciting!
Lakeem knows that Christmas isn't the only holiday this season, so Lakeem invited a very special guest here to participate in a match. Herschel Hiam Hebrewberg will join us to represent the nice holiday of Chanukah...or is it Hanukkah? Lakeem apologizes for not knowing. He will face Zebediah Thurston representing his holiday of...uh...Lakeem doesn't know. Lakeem was not informed. Nonetheless, these men will duke it out in a very interesting showcase of new talent versus experienced veteran.
Lakeem really has taken a like for salads. They help Lakeem do moonsaults. But in the bigger picture, food has alot to do with the holidays as presents and Santa and dreidles do. So, Lakeem has put together a six person tag match featured some of AES' food based wrestlers. The sweet cavity inducing team of Chells' Sweeties will take on The 3 Fruit Basket in a battle of food group supremacy. Regardless of what side you're on, this match will fill your appetite.
Lakeem saw some amazing stuff recently. Lakeem saw a man do so many powerbombs that it made Lakeem look like an amateur at them, and Lakeem also saw a man somehow do a 900 degree backflip maneuver and land on his feet...into a chokeslam. Nonetheless, Lakeem has been throughly impressed by both regardless of how it ended for them. So, Lakeem has put them in match together to see what happens. The man of many powerbombs, Jay Gunn, will face the flippy newcomer, Richardson Peterson Jr., in a match of conflicting wrestling styles. Lakeem has no idea how this one will go down, but it's sure to be memorable.
December 25th marks the birthday of one famous ant in AES. Jesus Ant will make an appearance on PrimeTime as we celebrate his birthday. Lakeem might even sing happy birthday.
Sterling Pierce is a mean man in most people's minds, but Lakeem has heard The Pitmaster can cook a mean steak. While those two facts have no correlation with each other what so ever, Lakeem wanted to find out if Sterling could cook up curse words faster than The Pitmaster could cook up a slab of meat. Again, Lakeem doesn't think those two correlate. Regardless, Lakeem has pitted the former head of IBW against the current head of the Submission Smokehouse.
Speaking of the Submission Smokehouse, Lakeem has seen alot of fuss over a coupon. While it is silly, it has brought a personal feud to the table. Drake Howard won the coupon in a battle royale that featured both Lutteur Masqué and Jackson Douglas. Later, Drake had the coupon stolen! He thought it was Jackson Douglas, but it was the self proclaimed hero Lutteur Masqué who actually was the thief! That's not the kind of hero Lakeem is used too. Regardless, this three way rivalry has reached a point where it must be settled. So in the main event, they will all face off in a triple threat match to mark the end of The AES PrimeTime Great Coupon War of 2015.
Anyway, that's it from Lakeem. Thanks again to PrimeTime for giving me this opportunity and most importantly, happy holidays to everyone!
- Lakeem
Red vs Blue...and Red
The Red Alliance vs Callum Wiltshire & Alice Skye
There's More than One Way to Celebrate the Holidays!
Zebediah Thurston vs Herschel Hiam Hebrewberg
This Would Make A Good Side Dish For A Salad
Chell's Sweeties vs The 3 Fruit Basket
The Twelve Powerbombs of Christmas
Jay Gunn vs Richardson Peterson Jr.
We Celebrate the Birthday of Our Savior, Jesus Ant
Mean Steak vs Mean Streak
The Pitmaster vs Sterling Pierce
The Coupon Wars Ends Here!
Lutteur Masqué vs Jackson Douglas vs Drake Howard