Crunchy Pickle: Day 1

Crunchy Pickle Wrestling Grand Prix presents

Day 1

It's been a long journey, but it's finally here.

Crunchy Pickle Day 1.

This is the big one folks. Oh you thought Twin Pickle was a big deal? What are you fucking stupid? This is Day 1. Two night event? Please. How about a one day event. And which day is that? Day 1 baby. This is the grand finale. The season premier. Oh you say that doesn't make sense? Shut up. This makes total sense. It's both. It's the end of season 1, and it's the start of season 2. Oh you didn't know Crunchy Pickle has seasons? Someone hasn't been paying attention.

This is one for the real Crunchy Pickle fans. This is the kind of matchups that could only be on this day. Day 1 that is. This is the kinda thing that makes you go "oh wow oh boy oh how could anyone else in aes top this? oh wow jeez guys maybe it's time to pack it up, looks like crunchy pickle just fucked the whole game up by being that good." That's exactly what you'll think watching this. And what could possibly main event a Day this 1? Dude you're about to shit.

BEST OF THE BIG BOYS CHAMPIONSHIP
Rick Trent © vs Trevor Edwards - II

Hmmm seems like we've been here before doesn't it?

Ooo baby I think it's 2021 again. It's been a little over a year since we found ourselves in this same position - Rick Trent as the Best of the Big Boys defending against Crunchy Pickle's Ace; Trevor Edwards. Last time these two met in the ring it didn't go so well for our reigning champion, but lets look at everything that's changed since then huh? For example, Rick wears face paint now. And Trevor is in yellow. Trevor lost the title to Black Skull, but Rick won it back. Now Rick is on their way out of AES, and Trevor is in a tag team with Alan Badour. Oh and this is Rick's last match in Crunchy Pickle.


GRUDGE MATCH INSIDE THE BLUE CUBE
Samael Megiddo vs Emerson L Palmer

Okay fuck I don't remember the backstory to this feud and Alistair isn't online for me to ask but I know these two have a history. Boy do they. I think there was a tag team tournament thing right? Huh? And then that was kinda halted when they won the tag titles right? Right? Am I crazy? This is accurate isn't it? Well you may think they wanted a title rematch. I mean, YOU may have thought that. I totally didn't I called it that this was going to happen. Grudge match baby, Emerson's friendship with Samael is ended, the BLUE CUBE is his best friend now. And speaking of the BLUE CUBE, what is it exactly? Uhhh I dunno may you should think about it? It's a BLUE CUBE. The sinister structure!!


PIZZA PARTY CHAMPIONSHIP
Alex Andres © vs Dirk Derek

Fuck I need to go to bed I don't want to write more backstory but here we go. Dirk was supposed to face Kon-Rad Kitty at Twin Pickle right? But he got arrested and shipped back to prison. And then Alex replaced him and won the title. But it turned out that Dirk actually broke out of prison, and they had a stare down at the end of the match. All caught up? Well we were able to get Dirk out on a work release to get his shot at the title. You may be asking yourself; "If Dirk wins the title does he get let out of prison?" No, that's not how prison works. He'll still be in prison, but he'll have a belt now.


TAG TEAM ACTION BABY - FROM OUR THRIVING TAG TEAM DIVISION
Jezz vs

This is a real tag team division huh? We've had a tag match on like every show. Sure one of our tag team champions might be wrestling for a singles title, but who cares? What does that even mean. This is a real tag team division. If there are tag teams on the show, that's a division. A division for tag teams. And hey, we get to hear Jezz's theme again. Jezz's? Jezzi? Jezzes? Great team name.


FOREVER UP AND COMERS FACE OFF TO DETERMINE WHO UP AND CAME
Johnny Penisballs vs Butch Mayo

Boy Johnny really blew it at Twin Pickle huh? 18 Seconds? F in the chat right? Have these two had a singles match before? I swear to god they have. I don't remember. Was it at SERIOUS WRESTLING? Fuck. Whatever, it doesn't matter now because if they have than they haven't like this. Butch Mayo isn't just the guy in the green zubaz pants, the zubaz are pink now. Plus he has a hat and a jacket? No wonder he's an officially recognized former world champion. Even if I'm pretty sure it's now canonically the shortest reign. And Johnny, he had a whole thing. I don't need to go into details, everyone knows. And now both these guys are at a crossroads, either get that actual big push or kinda just be there. This is a loser is Dolph Ziggler match.


ANOTHER GRUDGE MATCH BUT THIS ONE IS NOT IN A CUBE
Warmonger vs Mango Gigante

Oh hey it's Mango Gigante, and he's not happy. Warmonger went and fucked up his friend Mango Mask. Remember that? At Twin Pickle? Remember Twin Pickle? It's time to first for Mango's honor or get Warmongered on. I don't have a lot else to say about this match it's 4 AM for me I have work in the morning.


this one is just a regular match
Christopher Boshitron 667 Million (Billion? I don't remember) vs Grime Mime

Had to be one right?

rEmEmBeR aT tWiN pIcKlE!? When Boshitron fucked up Joe Vader's knee? We wanted Joe to commentate this show but he couldn't on account of his knee being all fucked up on account of Boshitron. I might be a second before he can wrestle again, but he'll be back in the commentary booth soon. I mean we hope so. And in the ring too. But neither at this show. This show is all about the Grime Mine baby.


AND THAT'S NOT ALL

We will hear from the NEW Undisputed Crunchy Pickle World Champion - August Roy!!
Who would've ever thought that August Roy would be CPWGP World Champion? Really, who saw that coming? I mean I know he sorta won it that one time but he lost it right after and it technically doesn't count. Will the F. O. E. make an appearance? Probably not because I'm anticipating it right? Because I'm expecting him? But wait, if I'm not expecting him because I am expecting him than does that change things? I'm not sure. Either way, August will be addressing the Crunchy Pickle fans at the start of the show.

All that and more at what day?

Which day is it?

Sorry I feel like I may have forgot the day we were talking about.

Oh wait that's right.

Day 1.